dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
