I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was confusing and full of hummus
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
