I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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