I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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