I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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