Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize