omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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