Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
then he tried to convert me to islam
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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