Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
COCAINE IS GR8
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
