I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
