I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
