I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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