By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
