just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
