It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
