Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
