Pappa wants mamma naked
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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