so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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