peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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