I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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