in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
