Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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