yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
