I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
