dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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