doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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