Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
