My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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