I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
