dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
