I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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