I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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