I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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