i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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