She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.