and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink