I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off