all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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