I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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