Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
