Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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