I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
