Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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