Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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