Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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