I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
