my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
