There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
