i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
