At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
