You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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