The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's blow job season.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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