dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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