is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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