i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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