Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
