Your face is a jimmy john
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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