I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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