I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
