not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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