I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize