so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
