did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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