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Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
