My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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