Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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