i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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