I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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