I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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