I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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