Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
