they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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