Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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