I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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