I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
