I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
