It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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