Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
