i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
