I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
